Bullying

     The recent rash of suicides among children that were inspired by their problems with being teased/harassed by their peers is something that needs to be discussed in relation to Stoicism. I have a few points of contention with the reaction that I mostly see regarding this issue. The focus is entirely upon trying to stop or reform those doing the harassing. The first problem being that this isn't a behavior that will ever disappear (yes, I appreciate and support the efforts to limit that behavior) and the second being that you're only addressing half the participants. More specifically, we're accepting the shaky premise that the victims of bullying are exactly that, victims. What a shame to think of other human beings as being so helpless as to have no other recourse against the verbal taunting of pubescent children save killing themselves.

     Let's take a look at this situation in a factual manner before we move ahead any further. Children A thru Y say or post online a host of ill-intentioned and ill-natured insults to Child Z. Child Z has negative judgments about the nature of the insults. These judgments lead to emotional pain and other fresh judgments about his/her situation in life. The pain from the judgment about insults and the pain from new judgments (I'm not a good person or I have no way to escape or no one cares about me) becomes so extreme that Child Z judges that life isn't as valuable as escaping this pain and ends his/her life.

    I will say that most children, without the proper guidance, will naturally not accept insults graciously. But the point of the previous paragraph was to illustrate the responsibility that Child Z had in the process that lead to his/her suicide. By responsibility, I am not pinning blame for being the recipient of the insults but for the manner in which he/she responds to them or thinks about them. What I really feel is that these children have been let down by the adults in their life who have not had the combination of wisdom and conviction needed to prepare these children for what they will face in life.

    And what wisdom do I refer to? The wisdom that says:

- Are the things people say about me even true? If not, why do I let it bother me? If someone called you a horse, you would think them equally foolish to what they said.

- Do I respect the person who is the source of the insult? If they are lacking wisdom and character, I would only be putting myself on their level to let their insults affect me. Also, if someone who is uninformed says something I am or do is wrong then there is a good chance it is right!

- Instead of being angry or upset with those who insult us, we should feel sorry for them that this is what they have lowered themselves to.

- The things people say about us are not insulting unless we decide they are. We all agree we have a right to our opinion. So make it one that helps instead of hurts. Sticks and stones....

And when you can become convinced of some of these ideas, then let it show with your reaction. Laugh off one insult while ignoring another.